colin: Where does the anal staircase lead?

assacre: The anal staircase leads to a neo evangelist gathering in a remote forest of the future in which ancient failed prototype cyborgs are demolished in front of an anxious, very very hungry audience.

c: You were commissioned to paint a picture of Oprah’s dog. Tell us about that experience.

a: Well I didn't believe I was truly an “artist” until I observed how painstakingly surreal I was able to capture Le Bruce's wildly unpredictable mannerisms. It was a tremendous exercise in bodily function and photo realistic nightmarish visions of man's best friend. Oprah made me a delightful tofu salad with mandarin oranges from her garden. Le Bruce ended up lapping up a pool of his own vomit and luckily I was paid in goat's blood.

c: You’re from Brooklyn, NY and you live in Austin, TX. I’ve never been to either, but I hear that they’re both culturally rich areas. Which place is “harder” (more like 8-Mile)?

a: BKLN is way harder than Austin. Wayyyy harder. Austin is full of aging hippies and like way totally awesome KrUnK college parties and funny music festivals in which large dusty areas are sectioned off, delicious cattle are herded in, slaughtered by the thousands in a blazing pit of fire. Luckily, the BBQ pits in Texas are always mimicking the blankets of flames in various levels of Hell, so the meat is plentiful and quite tender.

c: You’re head of Awthum records. Talk about some of the label’s releases and your connection to the other artists you “put out”.

a: Playing all these shows and traveling around everywhere has led me to encounter all these bizarre, imaginative, insane humans that I just couldn't let rot by themselves any longer. Secrets were meant to be kept only by a certain few, and it is with blind trust that I have granted certain like-minded individuals to share the secret of obscuring reality in a fine art form. I look people in the eye and know immediately if they are worthy of this divine wisdom. Then I wink and everything is over, and we wake up from dreamland, and everything is OK.

c: In January, you played a show in Austin with The Sword. They’re a four-piece and you’re a one-piece. Are they four times as good as you or are you four times as good as them?

a: Let's just say that I wrote the Sword's song on the new Guitar Hero game for them. It's about how the blond guitarist's hair is really pretty, and me wondering if he conditions. The original title of the song was “FALSE METAL LOLZ” but Warner Brothers made me change it in exchange for an Animaniacs DVD box set.

c: Your second album, "Don’t Assacre, Don’t Tell" is set for an early 2007 release. What should we expect?

a: FVCKING TRV KVLT MAGICKAL SHUT UP GAY VOMIT.

c: You’re a big Metallica fan. Explain.

a: I remember watching the “Master of Puppets” video on the old Headbanger's Ball and wanting James Hetfield to command me to do nasty things to him in maybe a huge warehouse with no lights and just tons of candles and neon pentagrams.

c: A lot of important people have died this month (President Gerald Ford, Saddam Hussein, James Brown, some other people). Who do you think is next?

a: Regis Philbin. Or maybe OJ Simpson?

c: You have some of the best song titles in the game (Gayer Than God; The Crystal Obelisk Shall Ascend Into Stormclouds of Mechanical Mystery). Describe the song-name-writing process.

a: Usually I just close my eyes and visualize each song, and what they would look like as a creature in a giant, mysterious fantasy world. Most of the themes of my songs come from dreams and nightmares, where the subconscious kind of collects all these visions and obscures them in my brain. I've been told that I'm channeling some sort of ancient god, a god of light and shadows perhaps. Whether or not that's true, I hope he's one of those gods with huge muscles, a hairy chest, and a bad fucking attitude.

c: Who’s your favorite character on Arrested Development?

a: George Michael rules. He's the only character on the show who's not a total dickhead.

c: Share with us your coming-out story.

a: I used to hide behind the curtains in my room with a pair of stolen binoculars and spy on my old across the street neighbor, whom I fantasized as once having a life as a bodybuilder and part time security guard at a rough bar in the city. He used to mow his lawn shirtless, and in extremely short cut off jean shorts. He had beautiful thick legs and a killer stache. Strangely I never realized this meant that I liked dudes until I moved to Mississippi in high school, where the words “fag” and “gay” were thrown around more than “pussy” or “racism” combined. So I was somewhat forced to form my identity around hyper masculine (and usually pretty fucking homoerotic) fantasy worlds. Simultaneously I was pushed very far into the closet, and started getting really into depressive, angry heavy metal and punk while in high school. I was super pissed off at the world until I was about 18, when I decided to stop being a bitch and just come out with it once and for all. Luckily I've never really been directly threatened or beat up or gay bashed or any of that stuff, but maybe that's because of my razor sharp wit and simply fantastic set of perfectly straight teeth.

c: Do you have any questions for Dan Deacon?

a: Man, I have tons of questions for him. One thing that comes to mind is: Isn't male pattern baldness fucking sexy?

interviewed by: colin zweifel

colin: Where does the anal staircase lead?

assacre: The anal staircase leads to a neo evangelist gathering in a remote forest of the future in which ancient failed prototype cyborgs are demolished in front of an anxious, very very hungry audience.

c: You were commissioned to paint a picture of Oprah’s dog. Tell us about that experience.

a: Well I didn't believe I was truly an “artist” until I observed how painstakingly surreal I was able to capture Le Bruce's wildly unpredictable mannerisms. It was a tremendous exercise in bodily function and photo realistic nightmarish visions of man's best friend. Oprah made me a delightful tofu salad with mandarin oranges from her garden. Le Bruce ended up lapping up a pool of his own vomit and luckily I was paid in goat's blood.

c: You’re from Brooklyn, NY and you live in Austin, TX. I’ve never been to either, but I hear that they’re both culturally rich areas. Which place is “harder” (more like 8-Mile)?

a: BKLN is way harder than Austin. Wayyyy harder. Austin is full of aging hippies and like way totally awesome KrUnK college parties and funny music festivals in which large dusty areas are sectioned off, delicious cattle are herded in, slaughtered by the thousands in a blazing pit of fire. Luckily, the BBQ pits in Texas are always mimicking the blankets of flames in various levels of Hell, so the meat is plentiful and quite tender.

c: You’re head of Awthum records. Talk about some of the label’s releases and your connection to the other artists you “put out”.

a: Playing all these shows and traveling around everywhere has led me to encounter all these bizarre, imaginative, insane humans that I just couldn't let rot by themselves any longer. Secrets were meant to be kept only by a certain few, and it is with blind trust that I have granted certain like-minded individuals to share the secret of obscuring reality in a fine art form. I look people in the eye and know immediately if they are worthy of this divine wisdom. Then I wink and everything is over, and we wake up from dreamland, and everything is OK.

c: In January, you played a show in Austin with The Sword. They’re a four-piece and you’re a one-piece. Are they four times as good as you or are you four times as good as them?

a: Let's just say that I wrote the Sword's song on the new Guitar Hero game for them. It's about how the blond guitarist's hair is really pretty, and me wondering if he conditions. The original title of the song was “FALSE METAL LOLZ” but Warner Brothers made me change it in exchange for an Animaniacs DVD box set.

c: Your second album, "Don’t Assacre, Don’t Tell" is set for an early 2007 release. What should we expect?

a: FVCKING TRV KVLT MAGICKAL SHUT UP GAY VOMIT.

c: You’re a big Metallica fan. Explain.

a: I remember watching the “Master of Puppets” video on the old Headbanger's Ball and wanting James Hetfield to command me to do nasty things to him in maybe a huge warehouse with no lights and just tons of candles and neon pentagrams.

c: A lot of important people have died this month (President Gerald Ford, Saddam Hussein, James Brown, some other people). Who do you think is next?

a: Regis Philbin. Or maybe OJ Simpson?

c: You have some of the best song titles in the game (Gayer Than God; The Crystal Obelisk Shall Ascend Into Stormclouds of Mechanical Mystery). Describe the song-name-writing process.

a: Usually I just close my eyes and visualize each song, and what they would look like as a creature in a giant, mysterious fantasy world. Most of the themes of my songs come from dreams and nightmares, where the subconscious kind of collects all these visions and obscures them in my brain. I've been told that I'm channeling some sort of ancient god, a god of light and shadows perhaps. Whether or not that's true, I hope he's one of those gods with huge muscles, a hairy chest, and a bad fucking attitude.

c: Who’s your favorite character on Arrested Development?

a: George Michael rules. He's the only character on the show who's not a total dickhead.

c: Share with us your coming-out story.

a: I used to hide behind the curtains in my room with a pair of stolen binoculars and spy on my old across the street neighbor, whom I fantasized as once having a life as a bodybuilder and part time security guard at a rough bar in the city. He used to mow his lawn shirtless, and in extremely short cut off jean shorts. He had beautiful thick legs and a killer stache. Strangely I never realized this meant that I liked dudes until I moved to Mississippi in high school, where the words “fag” and “gay” were thrown around more than “pussy” or “racism” combined. So I was somewhat forced to form my identity around hyper masculine (and usually pretty fucking homoerotic) fantasy worlds. Simultaneously I was pushed very far into the closet, and started getting really into depressive, angry heavy metal and punk while in high school. I was super pissed off at the world until I was about 18, when I decided to stop being a bitch and just come out with it once and for all. Luckily I've never really been directly threatened or beat up or gay bashed or any of that stuff, but maybe that's because of my razor sharp wit and simply fantastic set of perfectly straight teeth.

c: Do you have any questions for Dan Deacon?

a: Man, I have tons of questions for him. One thing that comes to mind is: Isn't male pattern baldness fucking sexy?

interviewed by: colin zweifel