DM: Hello. I am DUNGEONMASTER. State your name and clan.
JS: Okay, I see what's going on. I never played D&D, but I loved RPG's. We tried D&D but were too young, I think it was a little over our heads at
the time. Battetech was more my speed. These days I do indulge in a
little Warcraft when time permits, so I guess I'd be Sotofish, a Tauren
Druid from Proudmoore. Being nerdy is cool right?
DM: I don't see that as being nerdy young Soapfish from the Taurus Clan.
Your morale is soaring +10. You find enchanted moss. Do you pick it up.
What do you choose to do with it?
JS: I could sell it to my brother Jesse to smoke....
DM: I see in your paintings that there are creatures with tentacles some
even made from vegetation! How many hit points do they have and what
sort of weaknesses and magical abilities do they posess?
JS: They would obviously have weaknesses against fire spells and any sort
of dirty air or pollution. The plants will someday take over after us
humans wreak our havoc on the planet. Think Thunder the Barbarian,
Nausea, or the book Swan Song. The end of man is a reoccurring theme
in my work. I try to stay positive, but damn. We've really left our
mark on the face of this planet.
DM: What is the most effective way of dealing with these creatures?
JS: Give them plenty of love and respect, and know that you are just
another species of animal living here.
DM: You refer to a COLD ICE AGE. What sort of perils might a 5th class
warrior mage encounter in such a landscape?
JS: Lots of ice for one. Maybe mutated Saber-Tooth House Cats and 5 foot
long cockroaches. They should also be equipped with some good snowshoes
and have their parkas enchanted with frost resistance
DM: How do you pick the colors for your depictions of your gaming arena? Do
you reference Druidic crests or simply pick them by rolling a 20 sided
die?
JS: I do think of my paintings as environments sometimes. I think about the
mood I want to portray and use colors accordingly. But sometimes I let
the art flow and experimentation takes over, it is random, I guess
similar to rolling a 1,000,000 sided die. I don't always know what I'm
doing and I like that. Keeps things fun and fresh.
DM: A million sided die! I can not comprehend this from my mothers
basement. Where might I go about finding one?
JS: I wish I knew myself.
DM: After the Agtharian Shift and King Grangthor had slain the Great
Gnarthok, the reign of the Ice Dragons was over. Were you influenced by
this period or perhaps some other period in the Druid Lycanthrope Wars?
Perhaps a world in some other manual I don't know of?
JS: Uh.... you know what's funny? I actually looked up "King Grangthor" in Google. I'm inspired by things in nature mostly. I guess the ancient
druids would be down with that. I also get ideas and inspiration from
seeing others artwork, I need to get out to the L.A. galleries more
often. Music is good too. Anything that works your brain can be a
catalyst for a painting.
DM: From the presence of the robotic creatures i sense your world is in the
future? Perhaps this is a distant past or faraway planet. Either which
way I would like to get the Dungeon Master Guide for this world. Where
might I find such a tome and how much gold would it cost me?
JS: I don't know if it's the future, maybe it's the past, maybe it's a
different dimension. Maybe it's a dream state. I try not to worry about
that. Unfortunately there is no Dungeon Master Guide, the closest
thing would be "Potato Stamp Dreams- The Art of Jeff Soto" which came
out in 2005. It is sold out now, so you might spend your gold on eBay
to get it.
DM: I notice there are no trolls or goblins in the world you depict. are
they now extinct or do they live beneath the surface of the planet
because evil wizards have banished them there?
JS: I'm not sure, maybe I'll have to explore underground a little.
DM: Might one encounter a Bloodbeast on their travels through your gaming
scape?
JS: Nah, No Bloodbeasts, but if they're lucky they'll discover talking root
vegetables and flying wooden robots.
DM: Is this world without hope? If not, what must one do to walk a
righteous path and become victorious?
JS: I think the world is filled with hope. You just have to find it. Think
about all the happy times. I can think about just as many "cry out of
happiness" times as sad crying times. We do live in a fucked up world,
things are very unfair, and it's up to us right now to try and change
things for future generations. That's all we can really do man. I try
to teach my daughter everything I can, and bring her up as a good
person. Hopefully the work I do will make a few people think about
things. And if not, at least I try to live good and honestly, treat
people with respect and shit.
DM: You smell a foul odor wafting from the sewers and hear scurrying
footsteps. It is dark and you are armed with a mjolnir and a rustic
shield. Your magic powers are thriving under the full moon. What do you
choose to do next?
JS: Get the fuck outta there and hide from whatever is making that smell!
I'm a lover not a fighter.
DM: Are you not concerned that you may perish if you choose not to face the odor? If you choose to not fight you will die. If not today, you will certainly face perils that will certainly put the final nails in your coffin. I see that you align yourself as good. Do you wish to not be a pussy and fight?
JS: Well, I wouldn't call myself a pussy for backing out of a fight,
sometimes that's the intelligent thing to do. Gotta know your
weaknesses, know what I'm saying? If I have to fight, and there's no
other options, then sure, put up yer dukes stinky sewage man!
DM: Can unicorns teleport? Do they have any special powers at all? What happens when you slay one on a pentacle of virgin blood?
JS: I'm pretty sure they can teleport, and I think they can fart rainbows.
When one is slayed on a pentacle of virgin blood kittens around the
world shed a single tear.
DM: You are attacked by Gangster Rap Mall Guy. He is trying to look at your
tattoos and bang your girl. He has a pickbull with him and PUKE is
tattooed on his neck. He has many many hit points from "ballin'." What
do you choose to do?
JS: I live in the kingdom of Gangster Rap Mall Guys. The Inland Empire,
check it out if you're in Southern CA. I usually avoid the mall but if
I go I'm usually with my wife and daughter, so if anyone tried to start
shit, of course I would fight back.
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