boners:

boners are awesome. without boners, you wouldn't be here.
that's right. your dad gets boners. or he did.
boners are the biggest practicle jokers found in nature.
during the highschool years, they pop up whenever they want.

about to get called up to give a presentation to the class?
you'll get a boner.

sitting in gym with the loosest gym shorts left over from 79?
you'll get a boner.

don't even THINK of wearing sweat pants between the ages of 13 and 17.

school buses are scientificallt DESIGNED to give young boys boners.
nothing but vibrations, bumps and girls in short shorts.

if you get a boner, and you need to get rid of it, nothing will work.
you'll be thinking of the worst shit in the world "old guy naked, teacher naked,
baseball, baseball..." but the boner doesn't care. he'll come whispering
in your ear "pssssst.... christinaaa riciiiiii in her pantieeeeeeees"
and you'll have to leave the class 5 minutes after the bell rings.

10 years later and you've been drinking all night. you have your biggest
fantasy laid out in your bed, and your boners like.... "sorry dude, i'm
going to lie down and close my eyes for a second.... and honestly,
i didn't appreciate the whole condom thing".

boners.

-chase